Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Thintervention with Jackie Warner- episodes 3 and 4- "We're fatletes, not athletes." and "You need to start throwing up your food, girlfriend."

You don't get to go out of town and relax without some consequences.  Mine are falling behind on my TV shows that I like to blog about!  Here's two weeks worth of Thintervention with Jackie Warner goodness for your your reading pleasure.

After the participants lower second week numbers, there is a renewed sense of purpose for some to lose the weight.  Stacy is shooting for 11 pounds (yeah, right) and Joe says, "Five pounds is dropping like Jackie's pants at a gay bar!"

The one person who doesn't feel that sense of enthusiasm is Nikki, who manages to show up not only late but hungover to Jackie's Basic Training class.  As a punishment, everyone else had to stay on the treadmill, spin bike, etc. while waiting on Nikki to get there.  As imagined, everyone was really pissed.  Nikki says she is not well, and Jackie asks, "Does that illness come in a bottle?"  BURN.  Then  Bryan starts to pick on Stacy about her dramatic heavy breathing, Shay starts to get sassy with assistant Craig and then with Jackie. . .
These people are babies!  Walking on a treadmill is not medieval torture!  The absolute most embarrassing moment was when cry baby Stacy was afraid of the pull up machine because she is scared of heights.  GET. OUT. OF. TOWN.

Everyone is out for blood, and Jackie gathers everyone to discuss their anger issues.  She emphasizes the need for them to rely on one another for support, so she tells them they will be having a healthy comfort food potluck at Mandy's house to learn not to tear each other down.

It works at first.  Perky Mandy the perfect wife has quite the spread, including sweet potato martinis, Joe brings his fat man's diet cheeseburgers, and Jeana brings her personal chef to cook her share.  How nice to see the real housewife keeps it real on this show, too.

The pleasant evening begins to unravel when Shay and Joe get into an argument about Shay acting like a DIVA, he tells her to shut up, and boom.  Then everyone calls out Stacy too, and Stacy begs for forgiveness so she can be accepted by the cool kids while crying and whimpering.  Nikki says, "God, not again.  Every time do we have to cry?  Every time, Stacy?"  Somehow the evening turns around and everyone seems to be having a good time.

The good time dissipates at the extreme workout, this week at the Rose Bowl (just like on Money Hungry!).  Jackie informs them that they will be working on a personal sense of victory by running cones, jumping through speed rings, running 100 yards, and as a reward, climbing up the stadium stairs until they drop.  "That's a little excessive," Jeana sniffs.  Jackie promises them they will have a new sense of self if "you know your limits and surpass them".  Nikki immediately cops a plea of "fat girl knee", but Shay and Joe duke it out for final stairs supremacy.  Joe is impressed by Shay's determination and maybe feels bad about giving her such a hard time earlier?

Therapy this week was especially touching.  The participants were asked to bring a picture of themselves from their childhood when they were happy.  Then the therapist asks them to say something mean to the child.  Most of them can't, and the therapist points out that we say mean things to ourselves everyday.  Maybe we should be kind to ourselves like we would be to that little happy kid.  Really excellent advice that I am trying to take for myself.  Nikki, of course, says to her photo, "You're an ugly, fat little girl" and laughs.  The therapist calls her out on being mean (shocker) and tells her that by being so mean to others she is really being mean to herself and treating herself with dismissiveness.  And Joe is told that his obsession with cheeseburgers is equated with happy times spent with Dad.

Minds are blown, and it is time for the weigh in.

Mandy:  From 157 lbs to 155 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Nikki:  From 214 lbs to 212 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Stacy:  From 215 lbs to 212 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Joe:  From 221 lbs to 216 lbs- 5 lbs gained (Jackie, keep your pants on!)
Shay:  From 197 lbs to 195 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Bryan:  From 252 lbs to 249 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Jeana:  From 169 lbs to 168 lbs- 1 lb lost

Jackie is visibly upset with the results of the weigh in and doesn't understand why her plan isn't working for everyone.  But she is "invested" and wants "to see it through".  Plus, she has a TV show to make.  SO. . .

This episode focuses on real housewife Jeana and her smaller weight loss numbers.  If you watch Real Housewives of OC you know that Jeana is this unattached meanie who dismisses her friends and enemies with a wave of her hand and a sip of chardonnay.  It is no surprise that the other participants on the show don't feel a connection to her--especially with her personal chef and mega mansion.  But I guess Jeana has feelings too, and goes to get a mani pedi with daughter Cara to discuss her weight loss woes.  Cara doesn't believe that her mom isn't cheating on her diet and advises her to start throwing up.  I am sure she's just joking?  Lord.

But enough about Jeana.  For now.  The fatletes meet Jackie and Craig at a park for running drills and kettlebells.  After one lap, Nikki quits.  Joe has ankle issues.  It starts to rain.  Nikki decides to run again and Jackie allows her to run less laps then everyone else.  Jeana walks every time Jackie has her back turned.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?  Jackie seems tough.  I wouldn't want to mess with her.

After the drills, Jackie tells them to meet her at the grocery store for some food lessons.  Jeana heads into the store with a sense of childlike wonder-- like, "So this is where the food comes from!"  Jackie informs everyone what is good and bad:  Cereal as a snack is bad, protein as a snack is good.  Fruit in sugar syrup bad, fresh fruit is good.  I take for granted that my knowledge of good and bad foods is common sense.  I guess it is not.

Jeana decides to go on a sunset dinner cruise with her fabulous cougar friends, sipping champagne and eating coconut shrimp.  Jackie decides to shanghai the trip, calling out Jeana's excuses and not liking her life right now.  She wants Jeana to get to know herself so she knows herself and likes herself.

At the extreme workout, the participants meet at the Orange County Fire Authority to put on fireman suits and try out fireman drills.  "Firemen are hot," coos Bryan along with all the ladies.  Joe states bluntly, "Firemen don't f$&k lazy fat chicks."  I see that togetherness pot luck really helped!

The fatletes sweat and cry through the drills, but Mandy and Jeana win for the day and get to put out a real fire.  After Nikki's behavior during the drills, Jackie surprises her with a hike.  She also tells her she is concerned that Nikki will never change, and asks her to try not drinking for one week.  Hmm.

At the weigh in, Jeana and Nikki are both called out for their selfish behaviors.  Everyone wants Jackie's attention:  You need to be a self absorbed drunk to get it, I guess.  Jackie does admit that if Nikki was a regular (non televised) client she would be pulled from the program because it doesn't seem like she is ready for change.

Is everyone else?  The weigh in results, please.

Jeana:  From 168 lbs to 166 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Bryan:  From 249 lbs to 246 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Nikki:  From 212 lbs to 210 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Shay:  From 195 lbs to 194 lb- 1 lb lost
Mandy:  From 155 lbs to 152 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Joe:  From 216 lbs to 216 lbs- 0 lbs lost
Stacy:  From 212 lbs to 212 lbs- 0 lbs lost

"There is something flawed in this mathematically," Jackie states.  And it is true.  If these people are really staying on program and working out with the intensity she requires, I feel the weight would be coming off, even if it was 1 pound at a time.

Jackie knows that something is wrong.  Next week:  a lie detector test.  Maury Povich would be so proud!

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