Once upon a time, in the kingdom of California, there was a ranch nestled in a sun dappled valley where chubby men and women flocked for their opportunity to be less chubby. These people were known as the Losers, and they were adorned in colors of black and blue, dividing themselves into two teams that worked, ate, and played together for the chance to win money and lucrative book deals.
This chapter of the story brings us nine weeks into their weight loss journey. Sir Daris of Oklahoma has had to say goodbye to his mother, and after many tears and sitting in his room alone, the black teams and blue teams gather together with the Good Witch Ali to learn their fate.
"To change your body you must change your mind," Ali says, and tells the teams they must compete in a trivia challenge. "Answer three questions correctly, and you shall go to the spa! Answer incorrectly, however, and you will get thee to the kitchen and the gym for hours of cleaning." The black team puts up a vicious fight, but the blue team is victorious, and gets to ride in a black stretch limo to the 4 Seasons for much pampering and preening.
The black team spends their time scrubbing and mopping the kitchen and gym until they can see their tear stained faces reflected in all the surfaces. Sir Sam knows his wenches are disheartened, and gives them a speech on how strong they are as a team and how they musn't lose heart.
The Wicked Witch of the East, Jillian, and the Wicked Witch of the West, Bobilyn, meet with their crew to discuss their wins and losses, and to make them sweat and moan in the torture chamber (also known as a gym). Jillian notices one of her monkeys, Princess Ashley, is very sad because her mother, Queen Sherry, is the oldest person on their team and is all alone. Jillian takes Ashley to speak with her mother to tell her that she needs to be a big girl now and let her mother be free. Queen Sherry says, "You have the wings to fly and so do I."
On the other team, tragedy strikes. Sir Mike of Chicago gets some dreadful news: his grandmother has fallen ill. He packs a bag and goes over the river and through the woods to see her, avoiding any hungry wolves that might keep him from his quest, leaving is team unprotected and alone.
Later that morning, the two teams journey to far off Los Angeles to see Ali the Good Witch and the very handsome Prince Curtis Stone. The ladies swoon. Prince Curtis has a challenge for the teams: They must cook a delicious and nutritious three course meal fit for a king! The teams bustle about, choosing their twelve ingredients carefully. They serve good Prince Curtis and Ali the Good Witch their meals, and Prince Curtis decrees that the black teams meal is worthy of the five pound advantage at the weigh in later this week. There is much rejoicing.
When the teams return to the ranch, Wicked Witch Jillian says, "Hi Monkeys!" and learns of the black teams fate. A five pound advantage is very good indeed. Wicked Witch Bobilyn screams and stomps his feet, cursing the heavens and Prince Curtis Stone for this turn of events.
The only way to turn things around, Bobilyn decides, is the last chance workout. Bobilyn pushes his minions, making them lift many weights and travel through the tunnel of flesh to be victorious in the weigh in.
The black team, not to be outdone, has Jillian cry, "Back to beatings as usual!" Sir Sam turns into a beast, the wenches sweat and whimper, and all is left in the torture chamber.
Sir Mike returns from Chicago with news that his grandmother is very ill, but he pushed himself daily to keep himself healthy so his team would be victorious. Would they win the weigh in?
Ali the Good Witch meets them at the soothsaying weigh in devices of much sadness to find out their fates.
Andrea: From 243 lbs to 238 lbs- 5 lbs lost
Sam: From 286 lbs to 278 lbs- 8 lbs lost
Ashley: From 293 lbs to 286 lbs- 7 lbs lost
Sherry: From 166 lbs to 163 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Stephanie: From 210 lbs to 208 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Total weight lost: 30 lbs- 2.50%
The blue team must lose more than 45 pounds to win.
Lance: From 290 lbs to 282 lbs- 8 lbs lost
Daris: From 258 lbs to 248 lbs- 10 lbs lost
Koli: From 306 lbs to 297 lbs- 9 lbs lost
O'Neal: From 311 lbs to 302 lbs- 9 lbs lost
Sunshine: From 225 lbs to 216 lbs- 9 lbs lost
Mike: From 408 lbs to 397 lbs- 11 lbs lost
The blue team has won the challenge. "You are still six strong," says Ali the Good Witch. The Wicked Witch Bobilyn congratulates his team, while Wicked Witch Jillian holds her monkeys close, bidding one of them farewell.
In the dreaded elimination room, the black team decides that Queen Sherry must spread her wings and fly away, exiled back to the kingdom of Knoxville, Tennessee.
Two months pass. We see Queen Sherry, much lighter and much happier. "I can't wait to see what the next chapter of my life entails," she says.
The end.
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Great way to recap last week! Can't wait for tonight.
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