Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BL9- week 18- LOST a ton of weight: THE FINAL FOUR

18 weeks ago, a group of strangers came together on an island (okay, a ranch) to meet with 2 opposing forces of light and dark (Bob and Jillian) to find the secret of the island (weight loss) and not let the Smoke Monster (weight gain) off of the island.

I can get anything to tie into Lost. I just can't let go!

I hope you like montages and flashbacks, because this episode was chocked full of them. The show may have run at under 45 minutes if the extra footage had been cut out.

MONTAGE ONE: The final four, striking poses in front of a screen that shows their individual journeys. Koli: Fat and alone. Ashley: Wants to get married. Daris: Fat kid walking. Mike: Life passing him by. Cut to Bob and Jillian riding the contestants both literally and figuratively. Curiously absent: Footage of Ashley falling off the treadmill.

Ali tells the Losers they will be leaving the ranch for thirty days, heading back home to try out "real" life, and then will return for a final weigh in BEFORE the FINAL weigh in.

Group hug.

MONTAGE TWO: The final four heads back to their homes in stretch limos. Koli: California. Ashley: Tennessee. Daris: Oklahoma. Mike: Chicago. It's time for homemade signs, fans, cheers, tears, and leis. Each contestant weighs in in public to show their families and friends how much weight they have lost since they have been on the ranch.

Daris: 151 pounds

Mike: 204 pounds
Ashley: 143 pounds
Koli: 172 pounds
Impressive numbers and even more impressive are the records that have been shattered. Mike is the first Loser to lose over 200 pounds on the ranch. Ashley has lost more weight than any other woman on the ranch. It is amazing that those two are the record holders, because in the beginning you would NEVER have thought they would have made it this far.

The cheering only lasts for so long before Ali pops up and tells the contestants they will be running in a marathon at the end of the thirty days. Time to start training!

The first week at home proves to be a challenge for all four contestants. They are assaulted by text messages, phone calls, social obligations, and the struggle to find the balance between the person they have become and the person that they were. Some solutions are easy, like substituting Jenni O turkey for regular beef in meatballs. Other solutions require moving from California to Las Vegas to train in your fortress of solitude. Right Koli? Ashley and Mike vow to run the marathon together and finish as a team, while Daris and Koli are lone wolves in their single guy wolf pack.

Daris takes a break from running long enough to meet Chef Curtis Stone at his local watering hole Budro's. It doesn't get more Oklahoma than Budro's. If we all remember, Curtis came to visit Danny in Oklahoma last season in Broken Arrow. He loves the 'Homa! I'm sure it reminds him of the outback. More like Outback Steakhouse. . .and it doesn't have as many dingos running about. He creates a healthy Daris section on the menu which includes a smoked trout dip. That is a far cry from chicken fried steak, my friends.

Koli has a mini meltdown at the bar with Sam and decides to pack up his knives and go. . .to Las Vegas. LAS VEGAS? Home of the all you can eat buffet? I would move to Montana or Wyoming. He is focused on the confetti cannons and can't see them over all the love and support and leis around his neck at home. He gots to go.

On the other side of the coin we see Daris drunk dialing his home video camera and eating his emotions with cereal and other 4 am treats. The 18 weeks away hasn't been long enough for Daris to reprogram his old "I don't have a girlfriend" mindset.

MONTAGE THREE: Bob and Jillian traveling via plane, train, and automobile to visit the final four. Jillian flies a chopper because Ardmore doesn't have an airport. Okay- this is true, but Ardmore really isn't THAT country. I swear. Bob is concerned about Koli regaining the weight after the finale. Jillian is concerned that Daris is internalizing. What they both agree on? They all need a good old fashioned ass kicking.

MONTAGE FOUR: Bob and Jillian working out each contestant in their respective gyms. The Losers remember what it feels like to get a beating.

MONTAGE FIVE: The contestants are gearing up to return to the ranch. They are feeling stressed out, sick, worried, nervous, etc. They are battling temptation left, right, and center. Will all their hard work show?

Then it is time for the marathon. The day begins cold and rainy, only to open up to sunny skies by the time they hit mile three.

MONTAGE SIX, SEVEN, and EIGHT: The marathon interspersed with clips of the contestants being fat and unhappy. Along the way we pick up Matt Hoover, season two winner, Sione from season seven, Ali Vincent, season four winner, and Mike Morelli from season seven. Ali and Mike look great and about the same as I remember, but Matt and Sione have gained a bit. That's got to be tough to know that you will forever be living under the scrutinizing eyes of the public . . .see Erik Chopin. Daris smokes everyone, finishing the race in 4 hours and 2 minutes. Koli finishes in 6 hours and 8 minutes, and Mike and Ashley finish together as promised at 6 hours and 26 minutes. Everyone wins $10,000 towards a charity of their choice.

Then it is time for the final weigh in before the FINAL weigh in.

Mike: From 322 lbs to 299 lbs- 23 lbs lost
Koli: From 231 lbs to 218 lbs- 13 lbs lost
Ashley: From 231 lbs to 213 lbs- 18 lbs lost
Daris: From 195 lbs to 197 lbs- 2 lbs GAINED

WHAT?!?! Daris has sabotaged himself with his late night cereal booty calls and Bob and Jillian call bullshit. My worse case scenario has emerged: Koli and Daris are in the bottom two and now must plead with America to put them in the top three with Ashley and Mike.

Me? I am TEAM DARIS all the way. We will see all the triumphs and tears at the finale. . .and may the best Loser win.

1 comment:

  1. i love Biggest loser but confess i havent beenwatching! thanks for the indepth recap! I need to tune in for hte finale!!!!