Friday, October 8, 2010

Thintervention with Jackie Warner- episode 5- "It makes me want to eat a cake."

Shay  (
Things are going cuckoo crazy for the cast of Thintervention.  Crazier than Shay's hair?

Crazier!  Jackie knows that not all the cast gets it.  Mandy, Bryan, and Joe are losing weight, getting fit, and really suffering for the show.  Not so much:  Jeana, Nikki, Shay, and Stacey.  Although we have all been thoroughly entertained by their antics (I mean, who cannot just adore Nikki when she is at her meanest?), Herr Warner has reached her tipping point.  So what is a girl to do?

SHOULDERS!  Jackie and Craig work the heck out of some arms during basic training.  "This is hideous," moans Nikki, claiming she has delicate wrists.  Joe sullenly bicep curls in the corner, watching longingly as Jackie spends one on one time with Nikki.  Joe says in his interview that he will give Jackie the "beautiful body" that she wants, not Nikki.  I hope that Joe saw that when he watched the show and cringed.  Just a little bit.

Everyone is in pain at the end of the workout, but Jackie puts the hurt on her rebel bad girls:  Shay and Stacy are not on program because they are skipping meals, Jeana is yessing Jackie to death but not really following through, and Nikki needs to stay home more.

Cut to:  Nikki at home, Skypeing without a care, when Jackie breaks in "unannounced" again.  Doesn't Nikki lock her doors?  She has brought Nikki some healthy foods to make lunch, which they enjoy on Nikki's white furniture.  My mom would be totally flipping out.  Jackie and Nikki have uncomfortable sex talk.  Eek.

Jackie continues her Operation: Shock and Awe with the other participants.  Next on her list is Joe, who is in the middle of remodeling his home by having professional spray painters create a mural in his living room.  Even though he is busy, Jackie reminds him that he wanted to spend more one on one time with her and he says, "When God gives you a bag of muscled up lesbian lemons, you make lemonade."

Lemonade in this case is a grueling boxing workout in the park in the rain.  Mandy and Jeana are also called to participate, and Jeana proves she is not really in it to win it with a pathetic display of boxing skills.

On the other side of town, Bryan finds Nikki in a bar and tries to convince her to be more serious about the program.  Nikki says she doesn't ask for help.  "Confrontation over!"  But she does invite him for a round on her, so that's nice.

Stacey goes to the doctor to check on her PCOS ( he calls her a tortoise) and when Jackie checks on Shay her mom, Kim, swears to Jackie that Shay is on task. 

Jackie wants some honesty here, but not before the extreme workout.  This week is MMA- mixed martial arts.  Bryan sees "five guys boxing--I see one of them is Jackie."  She throws down with the best and urges the others to find their outer warriors.  Bryan is not down with the fighting, and when one of the MMA fighters throws him down, Ethel comes out with a ROAR.  Jackie barely makes it out alive.  BRUTAL.

Even more brutal:  A "fun" clip of Stacey going out on a blind date.  "I have no problem getting men. Trust." assures Stacey, but after watching her blah blah blah and the guy just nod blankly, I do not think this was a   I did burn calories watching in embarrassment.

On the day of group therapy and the weigh in, Jackie has big surprises.  On to the scale first!

Joe:  From 216 lbs to 213 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Mandy:  From 152 lbs to 148 lbs- 4 lbs lost

Bryan:  From 246 lbs to 240 lbs- 6 lbs lost

Jeana:  From 166 lbs to 167 lbs- 1 lb gained

Shay:  From 194 lbs to 191 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Stacey:  From 212 lbs to 211 lbs- 1 lb lost

Nikki:  From 210 lbs to 212 lbs- 2 lbs gained

Excuses from the peanut gallery:  "How did I do that?"- Jeana, "I can't make sense of it."- Shay, "You think I cheat and I don't!'- Stacey, "Wow.  That's embarrassing."- Nikki

"There.  Is.  Something.  Going.  On."  Jackie says.

Cheat you say?  Why, Jackie just HAPPENS to have a lie detector right behind door number one!  Bryan, Joe and Mandy are exempt from the hot seat.  What did we discover?

Shay lied on calories and on working out to full intensity.  Jeana lied every time they asked if she was telling the truth.  Stacey went over her allotted calories at least three times a week.  Nikki went over 22 cocktails a week.

The only way to fix these Pinocchio's is to take the most extreme measures.  Mandy is having Nikki move in with her and Bryan is having Jeana move in with him.

Sounds like an episode of Three's Company!

Wacky.  Tune in next week for my 5 Question interview with Bryan!  He is CRAMAZING.

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