Monday, April 12, 2010

Kirstie Alley's Big Life- episode 7- "They Tried to Make Me Go to Twee-Hab. . ."

One 30-minute episode? How blissful! Not that I don't want the two episodes, but sometimes the blog fairy blesses me because she knows that I have to study and clean house and I don't have all day to spend on the computer.

Another person that spends too much time on the computer? Kirstie. A self-proclaimed "cyberwhore", Kirstie's fingers are "as fit as fiddles" because she spends so much time Twittering. So much so that it is starting to effect all the people around her. For example, assistant Kelly is single. Kirstie is constantly on her to find someone. So what does she do? Puts the description of Kelly's ultimate match on Twitter with HER PHONE NUMBER. Her real live phone number! Within seconds, Kelly's phone starts to ring with random randy men who want to chat.

When Kirstie's trip to the spa end up in the National Enquirer with true facts that only someone on her team would know, she sends apprentice Kyle into the house to uncover the mole. The mole is Kirstie: All her tweeting is giving the tabloids plenty of information that they can use.

Kyle reveals this information to Kirstie at a Twittervention. He reveals that her "twats" are effecting the house negatively. Kelly got over 200 calls from random guys and a picture of someone's junk. Now she has to get a new phone. Ashton Kutcher, number one tweeter, has 5,000 tweets: Kirstie has over 14,000. Jim claims Kirstie is more committed to tweeting than being his chubby buddy and working out. She forgot to pick up True from the mall, and Lillie says her mom would rather be on the computer than spend time with her.

Her family and staff challenge her to be Twitter free for one week.

Day 1: Sex talk with Lillie. "Do you need any help in that area?" Lillie says no. Kirstie says if she has any questions she can ask her. Or Kelly. Or a prostitute.

Day 2: Make overs! Kelly gets a make over and then has to man hunt at the local dog park with Kirstie and Kyle. "You guys are dicks," she states.

Day 3: Gay Lightsabers with Tracy. Stylist Tracy and Kirstie realize they don't have anything to talk to each other about other than clothes. Kirstie tries to get onto Tracy's computer to check her Twitter account and she mysteriously has no internet access. Kirstie then goes to see Magdelana to play Frisbee. The Frisbee gets thrown into the Lemur cage.

Day 4: Hang with Jim. Kirstie watches Jim skim the pool. She pushes him in. "I know where you sleep," he splutters.

Day 5: Pick up guys with Kelly. Kirstie makes Kelly pick up guys at the grocery store with classic pick up lines like "What cereal do you like?" and "Getting some honey?" DUD.

After one week without Twitter, Kirstie's team realizes that she has way too much time on her hands. They insist she gets back on Twitter as soon as possible. "Ah, Twitter. . ." she sighs.

No talk of weight loss this week. Maybe that would have been in the second 30 minutes? Still trying to figure out what it's all about, Alfie.

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