Kirstie Alley's Big Life- episode 5 and 6- "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" and "Jimmy Pig"

I feel like I'm beginning to understand The Big Life. The first episode generally focuses on Kirstie and her staff. The second episode usually focuses on the weight loss. So it's something for everyone. At least each episode is only 30 minutes! What a relief from every 2 hour very special episode of The Biggest Loser that I follow.

Episode 5 focuses on Kirstie's BIG staff. She calls everyone into the kitchen for a meeting, and there are about 15-20 folks. My mom asked why did she need so many people? Good question. Kirstie says she is a busy gal, but not too busy to job swap with her staff for the week. She wants to show them that she can do their jobs better than they can because at some point in her life she has had a job like theirs. How hard could it be to stop twittering?

Monday-Magdelena

Kirstie was a housekeeper before she rocketed to stardom, so this task is in the bag. Housekeeper Magdelena makes an excellent Kirstie with a long blond wig and white house dress. And a heavy finger on the intercom button. Kirstie tells her apprentice Kyle about her early adventures while she cleans and is constantly interrupted by Magdelena's "Kirstie" requests to make lunch, do laundry, and keep cleaning the rooms all at the same time. "By the time this week is over I'm going to kill myself," Kirstie realizes.

Tuesday- Jim

Kirstie swaps places with slovenly chubby buddy Jim, who looks fetching in Kirstie's house dress. Jim's duties include lugging that huge tree that he left in the last episode and donning waders to unclog her pond. She and Kyle suffer through the task, only to have Kirstie fall into the putrid water and fill up her pants. Kyle worries they may get e-coli.

Wednesday-Kelly

The first part of their switch involves them making fun of each other's appearance. Kirstie for being too fat and Kelly for biting her nails and not having a boyfriend. You know, like how friends do it. Then Kirstie has to learn to operate a Blackberry and return calls, answer emails, go over paperwork, meet with the Organic Liaison team. . . Not as easy as she thought.

Thursday- Jack and Maddie

Someone has to take care of Kirstie's zoo. Today it's Kirstie and Kyle. They are on poop patrol. It's like it sounds.

Friday-Tracy

Being a stylist sounds easy, but when you have to lug a ton of outfits up a long driveway and many stairs only to have your client insult all your choices and then make you iron everything makes it seem not as easy. "I will never be a stylist. It's the worst job," Kirstie moans.

Overall, she and Kyle felt like they learned a lot from her merry band of men (and ladies) and she thanks them all for their hard work in making her big life run as smoothly as possible, or in her words, "My life that has expanded more than my ass."

Massages for all! Kirstie kneads Jim's belly like soft dough, which leads us to episode 6 entitled "Jimmy Pig".

Kirstie is busy putting the finishing touches on her weight loss line. Maybe she hasn't noticed Jim hasn't been keeping track of every calorie. Leave it to Jim to get busted: When turning in receipts for reimbursement to Kelly, she finds a receipt for Burger King. He swears it isn't his.

Time for some detective work. Knowing that Kirstie is nervous about promoting her line on the Oprah Winfrey show, Kelly and Kyle take matters into their own hands and put a hidden camera in Jim's car to catch him.

Meanwhile, Kirstie meets with Jim to show him the online component of her site which includes a food journal. Jim assures Kirstie that he is in it to win it and they can trust each other to win this losing battle.

Kirstie meets with Bart Simpson's voice Nancy Cartwright to record some voice overs for the cartoon characters on Kirstie's site. It reminds you what a talent Nancy is. It also reminds me that being a voice over artist is still on my bucket list (call me!). Kirstie's Organic Liaison site looks as fun and colorful as the actress. If it works or not is yet to be determined. . .

Kelly and Kyle bust Jim on hidden camera going through a drive through for burgers not once but TWICE in the same trip. They decide to bring their findings to Kirstie's attention. Kirstie is pissed that Jim isn't taking this endeavor seriously- this is her big comeback! When she confronts him and shows him the tape, he gets really angry and walks out. At least he burned some calories.

The next day Kirstie and Jim make up and reaffirm their commitment as chubby buddies. We discover that Jim is only 36 and is on blood pressure meds and has a family history of heart disease: He needs this not just so Kirstie doesn't look bad, but for his life. After they shake on it, it's time for a last chance workout with J.R. and off to Chicago.

I didn't watch Kirstie's product launch on Oprah, but they show it in brief. She looks lovely. I don't know if Oprah is going to try it or not. After the taping family and friends gather together to say congrats and good luck on the site. Now it's out there- who's gonna try it? Will it work? I'll keep watching to find out.

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