Bridal Boot Camp- SEASON FINALE: "I'm going to have to ask Jesus for help here."

VH1 brilliantly put the last two episodes of Bridal Bootcamp together for a one hour mega episode! Since the show only had eight 30 minute episodes, it was a good thing they only did it one time. . .otherwise, the show would have been over in three weeks.

We have reached the finals! Bridal Team Blue is represented by Amberly and Jamie and Bridal Team Green is represented by Melissa. All fierce competitors. All ready to win the wedding of their dreams. So, what do the ladies need to do?

Melissa immediately thinks GAME PLAY and goes to Amberly to form an alliance against Jamie. Amberly promptly tells Jamie. You know how girls are. Much to Melissa's chagrin, Cynthia informs them when they arrive for the final Marital Mission there will be no alliances- DOH!- and each girl will be competing alone.

For "The Long Haul" mission, each woman must listen to her fiance on the other end of a walkie talkie. The fiance will ask a question. If the contestant gets it right, she gets to go to an exercise station, complete the exercise, and go to the next station. If she answers it incorrectly, she must complete an exercise penalty and then go to the next station. The bride who gets to her fiance first wins a date night with her guy and a guaranteed spot in the finals.

I felt so badly for these girls! When they heard their guys voice, they all started crying. They all wanted it so much, but in the end, Melissa made it to the end and got to see her fiance Billy. The other girls had to say good bye over the walkie talkie. Wee woo.

Melissa gets to meet Cynthia on the weight loss pier of winners, losing 5 pounds to make her new weight 150 from 155. ""I am a weight loss machine!" she says.

Amberly and Jamie head to the Fitting Room to find out who will be joining Melissa in the finals.

Jamie: From 130 lbs to 128 lbs- 2 lbs lost

Amberly: From 149 lbs to 144 lbs- 5 lbs lost

Although the decision is ultimately Cynthia's, she brings in Melissa to add her two cents. She wants to get rid of Jamie (of course), while Steve votes for Amberly. Cynthia decides on Amberly since Jamie gained weight one week and lost no weight another week and Amberly was always consistent.

Jamie goes home "a whole new Jamie: I am strong. I have self esteem."

Cynthia sends Melissa and Amberly home for the last leg of the competition. The girls must lose more weight over four weeks, come back to Bridal Bootcamp, and have a final weigh in to determine the winner. There is a furious work out montage between Melissa and Amberly, each one "pushing it into overdrive."

One month later, we are back in the Fitting Room. Cynthia looks the same, Steve looks the same, Francesca looks the same, but the two ladies look stunning and SMALL. They are ready to weigh in and see who gets the wedding of their dreams! As their fiance's look on, the women take their place on the scale.

Melissa: From 150 lbs to 129.6 lbs- 20.4 lbs lost- 13.6 % body weight: 52 total lbs lost

Amberly: From 144 lbs to 124.4 lbs- 19.6 lbs lost- 13.61 % body weight: 44 total lbs lost

Amberly wins by 1/10 of a pound! Melissa's fiance promises that they will have the wedding of their dreams no matter what, and with that, the contest is over.

Fast forward to Amberly preparing for her vintage 1940's wedding to fiance Ed, complete with side pony tail and dress that shows her classy shoulder tattoo of a Playboy bunny. Cynthia was there, Steve was there, and Amberly looked lovely and thin. The wedding of her dreams was achieved!

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The end.

Bridal Boot Camp- episode 6: "Now I can touch it!"

There are only four bridezillas left at Bridal Boot Camp: Bridal Team Green's Melissa and Kacey and Bridal Team Blue's Amberly and Jamie. All strong competitors. All ready to take home their dream wedding.

Francesca speaks and tells us that her team must "give me more than they've ever given me" which translates into a hardcore boot camp workout that Melissa calls "horrendous". Steve has a different approach: Making his team pull a huge truck up and down a dirt road while singing Christmas carols. Which approach will work for the next Marital Mission?

Cynthia and the trainers meet the girls at the Bouquet Relay: sprint to a rock climbing wall, climb rock climbing wall, zip line down, pass bouquet to the next girl. Even with a 20 second lead, Melissa still gets creamed by Amberly who quickly takes the lead, passing her bouquet to Jamie who takes the win. In a scene we keep seeing week after week, Blue Team wins and Green Team loses. The prize is a surprise visit from Bridal Team Blue's matrons of honor.

At the winner's weigh in pier:

Jamie: From 133 lbs to 130 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Amberly: From 152 lbs to 149 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Kacey and Melissa head to the Fitting Room, where Cynthia will be choosing who will be heading to the finale.

Kacey: From 132 lbs to 130 lbs- 2 lbs lost

Melissa: From 161 lbs to 155 lbs- 6 lbs lost

Melissa lists off the two biggest accomplishments of her life:

1.) Getting Billy to propose to her.

2.) Losing 27 pounds.

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Cynthia agrees, keeping Melissa over Kacey in a not too surprising twist. Melissa still has some weight to lose and Kacey is TINY.

Next episode is some game play- advantage Amberly?

Bridal Boot Camp- episode 5: "I wanna go home with a flat tummy anna good self esteem."

Stop the presses! I was tweeting with Tara from Tennessee (the one who left because of her grandma being ill last week) and she said her grandma is fine (yay!) and that the show was taped 2 1/2 years ago! WHAT? That means that all these ladies are already married! OR DIVORCED. OH NO!

So all you bridezillas that participated on this show- reach out to me! I want to interview you! I want to hear about your Bridal Bootcamp experience! Did Cynthia Conde always wear camo? Does Francesca speak? Does Steve create his cheers in advance and then make you practice them? I want to know all.

Okay. Week 5. Ginger Courtney is gone, so who will the girls pick on now?

Francesca is concerned about three time losers Bridal Team Green. It is only Kacey and Melissa left- who wants it more? The girls battle it out in a bootcamp race and Melissa wins. "Eat that Kacey!" Melissa says.

Blue Bridal Team has a different approach. Trainer Steve is feeling confident that his girls can have a fourth win, so he has them engage in a visualization exercise. They must climb to the top of a rope and say what they hope to change by the time they leave boot camp.
Amberly: I want to go home with a flat stomach!
Jamie: I want to have a strong upper body!
Tesha: I wanna go home with a flat tummy anna good self esteem!

By the time they get down from that tree it was time for the Marital Mission. This week's challenge? The Better Half Obstacle Course: Strapping wax dummies of their fiance's to their backs and running through an obstacle course. Tesha can tell which one is hers because he is "a good looking chocolate man". Melissa answers her fiancee question correctly, so she gets to start 5 yards ahead of the rest of the girls and chooses Jamie to start 10 yards behind.


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The race begins with Melissa in the lead, but after she gets stuck on the monkey bars, the other girls quickly pass her. Jamie ends up winning the challenge and Melissa comes in last. "I have never finished last at anything in my life," she wails. Jamie is safe from elimination and wins a year's supply of Maybelline makeup. Melissa wins a trip to the elimination room.

Jamie also gets to choose one of her Blue teammates to get out of jail free: She chooses Amberly, leaving Tesha to enter the Fitting Room with the Green team. So Tesha is the new Courtney!

At the winners pier, Cynthia weighs in two blue.
Amberly: From 155 lbs to 152 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Jamie: From 132 lbs to 133 lbs- 1 lb gained

Good thing Jamie won the challenge.

At the Fitting Room, the girls are nervous to learn of their fate.
Tesha: From 144 lbs to 145 lbs- 1 lb gained
Kacey: From 134 lbs to 132 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Melissa: From 162 lbs to 161 lbs- 1 lb lost

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Melissa and Tesha are the bottom two. Each girl speaks as to why they should stay at camp: Melissa is addicted to exercise and Tesha is the most improved bride. When Cynthia asks Steve who should go, he says Tesha. WHAT? What happened to blue team spirit? Cynthia makes it so and Tesha is asked to go.

Next week: Crazy rock climbing obstacle course and secret surprise guests!

Bridal Boot Camp- episode 4: "If I can't eat it I might as well be in it!"

Oh Bridal Boot Camp. You are always here mid week to pick me up, make me laugh, and punch me in the face with some good ole' fashioned cat fighting.

It is week 4! The teams are getting closer together: Bridal Team Green is giving each other manis and pedis with their trainer Francesca. They are also braiding each other's hair and talking about their periods. Bridal Team Blue, on the other hand, is outside doing kickboxing and running drills. I take it that trainer Steve isn't much for the hair braiding. Tesha says that Green team is "a bunch of pretty princesses", and Bridal Team Blue is ready to keep winning.

A small wrench in their plans- Tara from Tennessee (My friend on Twitter! YAY SOCIAL NETWORKING!) gets an upsetting call that her grandma is not doing well and her mom wants her home with their family. Wee woo. Tara has to pack her knives and go, but not before she reveals that she has gone from 192 pounds to 177 pounds in the short time she has been training.

There is no rest for the weary: An invitation for a marital mission is slipped under the door no sooner than Tara shut it behind her. Cynthia beckons with the message "you can't have your cake and eat it, too". That sounds like a challenge any hungry bridezilla would want to get behind.

Cynthia and the trainers meet the ladies at a wrestling ring filled with a 15 x 15 wedding cake. The ladies will have to take each other down to China Town. Which ever team wins the most rounds will win flowers for the wedding. The chum has been released and the sharks are circling! Flowers are incredibly expensive and this would be a great prize for anyone to win.

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Kaycee lost the most weight last week, so she gets the opportunity to answer her fiancee question to determine who gets matched up with the Green Team. She answers correctly (yay Kaycee!) and pits Amberly with herself, Melissa with Jamie ("Watch out Idaho, I'm going to stuff you!" Melissa growls), and Courtney and Tesha. Tesha promises the cake is going to be "pink, white, and red with your lipstick". These girls are SCARY.

Cynthia makes the women promise a clean fight, and Blue Team MOPS UP the Green Team with their fists. Blue Team is once again safe from elimination and wins the flowers. "Thank you Jesus!" crows Tesha.

Bridal Team Green has egg (and cake) on their faces, and starts some friction with the Blue Team over their smack talk. Example:

Amberly: It was a mind game!
Melissa: I was called a rich bitch!
Amberly: You could be called MUCH worse.

OOOOOOooooohhhhhhhh.

The Blue Team showers and meets at the weigh in pier with Cynthia.

Jamie: From 134 lbs to 132 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Tesha: From 145 lbs to 144 lbs- 1 lb lost
Amberly: From 157 lbs to 155 lbs- 2 lbs lost

Then the Green Team heads to the Fitting Room for the third week in a row!

Melissa: From 166 lbs to 162 lbs- 4 lbs lost
Kaycee: From 135 lbs to 134 lbs- 1 lb lost
Courtney: From 145 lbs to 142 lbs- 3 lbs lost

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Ginger Courtney is finally in the bottom two with Kaycee, and with a too little too late from Cynthia, is sent home. Maybe they gave her a coloring book for the plane ride home.

The groups are getting smaller and smaller- literally and figuratively. Let's get it on.

Bridal Boot Camp- episode 3: "How do you gain two pounds on a weight loss show?"

On a show where you are working as a team AND having to lose weight as an individual, you have to perform well as a team player and work your butt off (literally) so your weight loss is covered, too. This week, Bridal Team Blue and Green reached a shaky alliance with both aspects of the game, and one team failed in a BIG way. Not in a big fat way. Just a big way.

Bridal Team Blue starts the episode out in the rain, and Tesha is over it. She walks off the field, leaving Steve to say, "I'm the guy who decides who quits!" Apparently not.

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Trainer Francesca (we don't hear too much out of her, you know?) is frustrated after her Bridal Team Green lost last week's Marital Mission, and she shows her displeasure by putting them through a grueling workout involving lots of swimming. That's good, because they are going to need all the help they can get. . .

Meanwhile, Steve catches up with a somber Tesha in the barracks, who reveals the reason for her naughty behavior is she is missing her kids back home. She wants to quit, but Steve reminds her that quitting would set a bad example for her children, and "I can't let you quit and feel good about it." The lights come on for Tesha, who realizes it isn't just about winning her dream wedding, but making a lasting lifestyle change for her and her family.

Then the ladies receive their invites from Cynthia for this week's Marital Mission, called Consummating Your Marriage. I was worried- I know sex burns a lot of calories, but wha? My fears were assuaged: It only involved the marital bed. No sexy time. The women have to run while carrying their mattress over their heads, attach the mattress to a raft, and then tow the raft while paddling a canoe around a buoy and back to shore. Sounds complicated.

Since Bridal Team Green's Lauren lost the largest percentage of body weight last week, she gets to answer a question posed by her fiancee, Ryan (who won in this deal- Lauren is a cute girl) for an advantage in the game. She gets it right, and Bridal Team Green gets to run on the inside of the track which is supposed to be faster. You would never know it, though, because Bridal Team Blue tears out of the starting gate like speedy bridezillas, quickly taking the lead.

I thought since Green team had so much swimming training earlier they would have been champs when it came to getting their canoes out. Melissa got the mattress raft stuck in the mud, Lauren overturned their canoe, and somehow, ginger Courtney stayed in her canoe and dry while the rest of the team struggled in the water. Again, Courtney is not racking up any popularity points.

Bridal Team Blue wins the race and honeymoon vacations for all! Bridal Team Green gets a trip to the Fitting Room. Back at the barracks, Melissa and Lauren gang up on fair skinned Courtney and tell her that if she is in the bottom two, she will be getting sent home.

On the winner's pier, Cynthia weighs in the Blue team. Will Jamie get her ass handed to her this week?

Jamie: From 139 lbs to 134 lbs- 5 lbs lost (whew.)
Amberly: From 159 lbs to 157 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Tesha: From 148 lbs to 145 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Tara: From 180 lbs to 177 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Then the wedding bells chime and it is time for Green team to head to the Fitting Room.

Melissa: From 168 lbs to 166 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Kacey: From 138 lbs to 135 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Lauren: From 165 lbs to 167 lbs- 2 lbs gained
Courtney: From 147 lbs to 145 lbs- 2 lbs lost

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In a cruel twist of mean girls fate, Melissa and Lauren are in the bottom two and Courtney is safe. Karma is a bitch, right? Lauren is weeping and asking how you can gain weight on a weight loss show and Kacey is yelling at Courtney and telling her she should put herself in the losing position.

And save someone who was mean to her earlier? Sorry, cowgirl. Cynthia tells Courtney if she keeps losing weight she'll stay out of the bottom two, and tells Lauren that she said it herself: How do you gain weight on a weight loss show? She discharges Lauren from duty and Lauren is sent packing.

Next week? CAKE WRESTLING. Sounds delicious.

Bridal Boot Camp- episode 2: "Jamie, you better pray you lose weight next week."

Even with my interview with Bridal Blue Team's Trainer Steve, Blue is still not doing so well. They were the first team to face the "fitting room", they had a member of their team eliminated, and they are starting week 2 on the wrong side of the bed.

Trainer Steve wakes up his team, and is greeted with grunts and groans. "How's everyone feeling?" he asks. "Like shit," athlete Jamie retorts. Maybe she is still suffering from soda withdrawal? Tara from TN utters, "I can barely lift my arms to brush my teeth."

Bridal Team Green, on the other hand, is peppy, attacking the gym full force. In a side interview, team member Kelley happily ticks off all the team members that she loves and shows a bit of hesitation when it comes to coloring book enthusiast Courtney. Trainer Francesca is also having some problems with Courtney becoming overwhelmed in the gym. Is the Green team being set up for some disappointment, or just seeing green?

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When Blue enters the gym, Steve is visibly worried. Tara and Tesha keep saying they can't do it, and Tesha has a mini meltdown. . .which causes Steve to let the ladies train themselves while he goes and takes a break. Maybe to hang out with his new bear friends. Team member Amberly takes charge, getting them to hit the treadmills because the "green team is not playing".

All the ladies are invited to their next Marital Mission at a pool where they are greeted by Cynthia Conde and their trainers. The name of the game: The Bridal Shower. Gifts are tied to the bottom of the pool in assorted team colors. The ladies must swim and dive to retrieve their gifts, and whichever team grabs them all first wins.

The Blue team only has 4 girls against Green's 5, so they are going to have to work twice as hard. The Green team starts really strong, but when it comes to space cadet Courtney, she just sits and stares at her package while the Blue team catches up. Courtney finally kicks it into gear, but too late- Blue team wins their first challenge and immunity from elimination. Plus they get all of their shower gifts and the Green teams gifts, as well.

Cut to sad shot of Green team's Melissa, sitting in her bunk and twirling her engagement ring on her finger. She wants that dream wedding, and she wants it bad. Bad enough to overhear Blue teams Tara saying she wants to go home and then spreading that news to the rest of her Green team. Amberly overhears Melissa being a gossip and goes outside to confront her, and they get all "No she didn't". Lots of bleeping from the censors. I assume Melissa was expressing her displeasure with Amberly and vice versa.

The ladies stop flapping their jaws long enough for their weigh ins. The victorious Blue team meets Cynthia on the weigh in pier.

Amberly: From 163 lbs to 159 lbs- 4 lbs lost
Tesha: From 151 lbs to 148 lbs- 3 lbs lost
Jamie: From 139 lbs to 139 lbs- 0 lbs lost
Tara: From 183 lbs to 180 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Cynthia states, "Not losing weight is unacceptable. Jamie, you better pray you lose weight next week." I don't know what the consequences would be, but Cynthia is like She Hulk. It wouldn't be pretty.

The Green team meets in the fitting room to see who will be going home.

Melissa: From 173 lbs to 168 lbs- 5 lbs lost
Kelley: From 152 lbs to 150 lbs- 2 lbs lost
Lauren: From 171 lbs to 165 lbs- 6 lbs lost
Kacey: From 139 lbs to 138 lbs- 1 lb lost
Courtney: From 150 lbs to 147 lbs- 3 lbs lost

As much as the show was edited to look like ginger Courtney was going to be on the chopping block, it looks like team favorites Kelley and Kacey necks are on the line. Cynthia asks the team who should go home, and the women debate between who is the stronger competitor or who is already close to their goal. Trainer Francesca seems to have the final word: Kacey "deserves to have her dream wedding". Cynthia decrees it so, and Kelley is sent packing with a "Good luck fitting into your dream wedding dress".

Only 8 players remain to duke it out for the grand prize. Let the fur fly!

Foster Fitness EXCLUSIVE!: Interview with Trainer Steve from VH1's Bridal Boot Camp!

I have been writing about the wacky weight loss program Bridal Boot Camp that premiered last week on reality mega station VH1 (remember when they used to have music on?). The best part of writing this blog? Getting to actually TALK to the people on the show! What? I KNOW.

Bridal Boot Camp's second episode airs today (on VH1 at 12 pm EST and 10 pm EST) and before you tune in, check out my interview with Bridal Team Blue's trainer extraordinaire Steve Pfiester. We talk about health, fitness, and why bears hate paparazzi.

FF: Bridal Boot Camps are ALL the rage. Why do you think women want you screaming at them?

SP: Boot Camps are the shizzle because the programs work. Many ladies are depended on for making important family and business decisions, taking care of the kids, and husbands while working full time- and boot camps allow for these ladies to just show up and shut their brains off. It gives them someone there to encourage them to do better and to show them the way to reach their goals. If that requires a little yelling. . .well, then we yell. If it requires a hug. . .well, then we still yell. Ha. We aren't gonna sit around and sing kumbaya, but we truly care and empower these brides-to-be.

FF: How were you chosen to work with Cynthia Conde (host of the show) and are her muscles really that huge in person?

SP: I was chosen because I am so ridiculously good looking- HA HA! (Total Zoolander moment) Seriously, I got a heads up from a friend of mine that they were casting for trainers. So, I went to Orlando for a casting and was chosen as the trainer for Team Blue. Hoorah! We (Bonnie [Steve's wife] and I) had already started working with the boot camp philosophy at our clubs and run a boot camp retreat, which was just in Fitness magazine, at Gloria Estefan's beach resort, Costa d'Este. . .We give a three day boot camp crash course on how to lose weight.

I also have first hand knowledge of Army basic training. I was trained as a combat engineer (12 bravo) in Fort Leonard Wood, MO in 1989. Dang I'm old. Anyhow, it seemed to be a great fit. And to your second question. . .yes! Jacked! She puts the G'sh in OMG'sh!

FF: Do you have a favorite off camera moment on the show that you would/would not like to have on the air?

SP: Totally. I was walking to mess (breakfast) about 5:00 AM. I see this large dog coming through the fog. Apprehensive, but yet a dog lover, I stop and face the animal. [I] noticed it had a strange gait for a K9. Once it got about 10 feet from me I realized this dog looks a heck of a lot like a bear. Okay, it's a bear. Literally walked right past me as if I wasn't there- and how flippin' cute! He was a little cub, but still a huge animal- just small for a bear. Anyway, he walks straight for the tree I was standing under. I thought he was cute as I watched him shimmy up the tree to nap- until I turned around and big a** Aunt Edna is staring me right in the face. She was huge compared to the cub. I yielded out of the way and let her up the tree. She seemed not to be interested in me until I started taking pictures of her little one. She made this snort scratch sound. . .you know, the one every mom makes from the choir loft when you are misbehaving in church. She startled me so much I jumped out of my skin and hauled butt outta there. As I'm running away like a little girl, I realize the whole Blue Team just witnessed their studly hard-butt boot camp trainer runnin' like a sissy from these cuddly little bears. Pretty happy that didn't make the air. . .

FF: If you had one fitness wish for the folks out there, what would it be?

SP: To just get started in any capacity to get, and stay, healthy - mentally, physically, and spiritually. Examine yourself on all three levels and decide if you are lacking. Just beginning the journey can be very healing.

FF: Has anyone ever told you you look an awful lot like Ty Pennington? You could do a partner show: Extreme Home Makeover, Body Edition.

SP: After "Fat March" aired on ABC people teased my about that. Pretty funny. Bonnie and I have talked about wanting to do a makeover show just like that. Hmmmmmm!

(Thanks to Bonnie Pfiester for hooking me up with Steve for this interview and for the great photos!)

Bridal Boot Camp- episode 1: "Francesca, I have diarrhea."

Bridal Boot Camp on VH1 is coo coo for Coco Puffs. It is odd. It is weird. And it is a lot of fun.

Bridal Boot Camp is a reality show that follows 10 engaged women who want to get in shape for their upcoming weddings. Whoever loses the most weight at the end wins "the wedding of their dreams". Bridal boot camps are really popular, and I was intrigued by what was going on here- it is a reality show about weight loss, right?

The host, Cynthia Conde, is a real live trainer that owns her own boot camp facility out in Long Island, NY. She is a lady. I apologize for my comment I made in a previous post where I thought she might be a tranny. She is a woman, but she is really beefy. The muscles and the low voice fooled me, people.

We meet the bride-testants on the back of an Army truck wearing wedding gowns and combat boots. They are greeted by their two trainers, Steve and Francesca, by forcing them out of the truck and through a military style obstacle course complete with explosions. The women drag themselves through the mud and introduce themselves while doing jumping jacks and puking.

Tara: From Tennessee, Tara is a motivational speaker and wants to fit in a size 6 dress.

Melissa: From Pennsylvania, Melissa is a journalist, bitchy game player, and wants to fit in a size 6 dress.

Amberly: From California, Amberly is a student/bartender and wants to fit in a size 6 dress.

Lauren: From Pennsylvania, Lauren is a hair stylist with 38 DDD boobs and wants to fit into a size 8 dress.

Tina: From Tennessee, Tina is a student and asthma sufferer who wants to fit into a size 14 dress.

Kelley: From Tennessee, Kelley is a student who wants to fit into a size 6 dress.

Tesha: From Virginia, Tesha is a counselor, mother of 3, oldest contestant, and wants to fit into a size 8 dress.

Courtney: From Florida, Courtney is a professional singer, puker, and likes to color in coloring books. Oh, and she want to fit into a size 6 dress.

Jamie: From Idaho, Jamie is an athlete who wants to fit into a size 4 dress.

Kacey: From California, Kacey is a student with a supposed muffin top who wants to fit into a size 4 dress.

Lots of similarities here. Everyone has an accent and wants to be a size 6.

The ladies are split into Bridal Party Green with Francesca and Bridal Party Blue with Steve and go to the barracks to change into their uniforms. They receive an invitation from Cynthia Conde for their last supper of crap food. They are all so excited to eat the pizza and burgers that they almost didn't notice the enormous tank that rolls up, drives over their table, and destroys dinner. It is Cynthia, and in her thick Long Island accent she declares that "It is ON." Or awn?

Week one of the camp was a load of vomiting, an asthma attack and hospitalization from Tina, soda withdrawal from Jamie, cat fights with racist comments from Melissa and Tesha, and some working out. There is also a challenge called a Marital Mission (listen to Cynthia say Martial Mission- priceless) where the girls have to shovel sugar into a wheelbarrow, pour it into a canoe, and then push the canoe out into the water (wharter).

Bridal Party Green wins the challenge in 5 minutes and 40 seconds over Blue's 7 minutes and 29 seconds, and has their first weigh in. The weigh in is on a pier with a regular step on scale! No special ceremony for these chicks.

Melissa: From 182 lbs to 173 lbs- 9 lbs lost

Courtney: From 155 lbs to 150 lbs- 5 lbs lost

Kasey: From 147 lbs to 139 lbs- 8 lbs lost

Kelley: From 161 lbs to 152 lbs- 9 lbs lost

Lauren: From 174 lbs to 171 lbs- 3 lbs lost

Lauren is upset she didn't lose as much as the others, and Cynthia take her to the side and comforts her. "Ya still lawst weight."

Bridal Party Blue has to go to the Fitting Room, where the elimination takes place. Their scale is in a room of mirrors. TORTURE.

Jamie: From 147 lbs to 139 lbs- 8 lbs lost

Tesha: From 156 lbs to 151 lbs- 5 lbs lost

Tina: From 201 lbs to 196 lbs- 5 lbs lost

Tara: From 192 lbs to 183 lbs- 9 lbs lost

Amberly: From 168 lbs to 163 lbs- 5 lbs lost

Based on body fat percentage, Tina and Amberly are the bottom two. Cynthia asks the other teammates which bride should stay and everyone gets to talk smack. Even the trainer, Steve, gets to put his two cents in. Can you imagine if Bob and Jillian from Biggest Loser got to help decide who stayed?

Cynthia ultimately decides, and she chooses Tina and her asthma not to be fit for combat. Amberly stays for another week.

This show is a combo of about 11 different reality shows, from Celebrity Fit Club to The Newlywed Game, and it is trashy, awesome summertime fun. Don't expect to learn any real tips or tricks. Do expect lots of fights and quotables, like my title- one girl almost poops herself while doing jumping jacks. Reality gold.